AKPORS AND THE INTERVIEWER

Akpos was called for an interview by Chevron based on his performance while working for shell.
INTERVIEWER: What is your current pay at Shell and what are you looking at with Chevron?
AKPOS: N9m per annum plus medical and other benefits. Considering the position here in Chevron, I’d be looking at N20-22m per annum, a status car, overseas vacation and medicals.
INTERVIEWER: Today is your lucky day! The position comes with N35m per annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as status car, overseas medical treatment. A fully furnished house here in lekki, health insurance for your wife and children, 2 houses to be built for you in any town of your choice and in your village, annual overseas vacation for you and

KOLO MENTAL

Akpors was being discharged from Yaba Mental Hospital after the doctors thought he was finally back to normal.
They put him in an Ambulance to be taken back home.
They took him to Omole Estate Phase 1, as he claimed that’s where he lived.
Just as they approached a certain house, 2 kids dressed in school uniforms came out of the house.
Akpors screamed; “Those are my children, they are going to school”.
A minute later a woman came out of the same house and Akpors screamed; “That’s my wife, she is late for work.”
This time the doctors were convinced Akpors was okay and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains.
As they were about unlocking the chains, a man came out of the house and Akpors screamed: “That’s me, I’m going to my office.”
Can you guess what they did to Akpors next?

AKPORS AFTER SURGERY

Akpors opened his eyes after a surgical operation and breathed: "Thank God it's over!"
A man on the other side of his bed said: "Don't be so sure, they left an injection in my belly and had to open it again."
Another patient added: "Same with me, but mine was a pack of

AKPORS THE BIG CHAIRMAN

At a launching ceremony, Chief Akpors who is an illiterate noticed that each dignitary making a donation had two titles attached
to their names.
For instance,

AKPORS THE WISE GUY

Akpos went to a bar to relax his nerves this sunny afternoon. While at the bar Akpos shouted and said to the barman; "Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let
them enjoy because when I drink stout, everybody drinks stout."
.
The barman obeyed people in the bar started hailing Akpors while sipping on their free drinks.
.
Akpos ordered again "Barman! Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy because when I drink stout, everybody drinks stout".
.
Everybody cheered and hailed Akpos louder.
.
After some minutes again

AKPORS MATHEMATICS QUESTIONS

COURSE TITLE: Love Mathematics.
COURSE CODE: GMS122.
All question carry equaL marks.
TIME: 2hrs, 30min utes.
1. If a GirL is in LOve fOr 10years and at the end,
the guy breaks up with her, what is the Formula
for
calculating such Love and Time wasted?
2. As a guy, you dated more than 6chicks At a
time, using the Almighty Formula, calculate the
expenses and Loss in handLing aLL of them?
(Question 3- For girLs only)
3. Using Laws Of Indices, calculate the
disappearance of your boyfriend whenever you
demand for an iphone6.
(Question 4- For boys only)
4. You send an Airtime worth #1500 to your
gaLfriend and she sends you a Please call me I
Love You text, calculate the profit and Loss %tage
of the Airtime being send and use the
proportional
ratio to attain the equation.
5. In not more than 10pages, what are the
similitude between Orobo girLs and Lekpa girLs.
6. With the aid of a Labeled diagram, draw and
explain the term # Ukwu "
7. You broke up with your gal because of
christmas gift, etc. Using quadratic equation,
calculate how long it'll take you to get her back in
January.
8. As a guy, you are dating other people's sisters,
but you don't want any other guy to date ur
sister.
Calculate the %-Error of your Foolish and wicked
behavior (Take pie =3.142)9. When you check a
Facebook profiLe 99% of guys are singLe as their
maritaL status state, and 100% of the Gals are
dating, its compLicated, engaged, in a
relationship,
married. BriefLy explain who they are dating in
not
Less than two sentences....
N/B- Attempt all questions to avoid carry - over

ENGLISH GBOGS

I've you ever wondered why many girls use smileys and short replies when chatting nowadays? Seriously, I have come to realize why most girls do.
I was chatting with this babe yesterday and I was Like...
ME: How are you dear?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How was your day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How is your family?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: Are you missing me?
GIRL: No.
ME: But I'm missing you
GIRL: Tanks.
ME: I'm not feeling well
GIRL: Sowi
ME: So how was ya day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: are you busy?

SOME FUNNY PROBLEM WE HAVE

1. Kissing ur man is not a problem. The problem
is how u do it. Stop making Sounds like a car
Crash.
2. Screaming during Sex is romantic and its not
a problem. The problem is Shouting words like;
"JESUS: OOH MY GOD: HOLY MARY". You're
having Sex, Not a Church Service. And besides i
don't know if you're reminding God to Punish you
Later.
3. Wearing short skimpy skirts is not a problem,
in fact its very Sexy. The problem is wearing
your Mini and looking all nice but when you see
Guyz u try to Pull it down now forcing it to be
long. Don't u see that you're deceiving yourself.
4. Loving your man is not a problem. The
problem is Changing your Surname on Facebook
and put his surname when you've not even been
Introduced to his mother. Just Chill, i would hate
to read your Post Later saying, "MEN ARE
WICKED AND CHEATS"
5. Saying all Men are the Same is not ma
problem but Who asked you to try them ALL?
6. Bleaching your skin till u shine brighter than
your future is not a problem, but the problem is
having White Face, Yellow hands, Chocolate Lips
and Black Legs. Are u a Zebra?
7. Reading this post ain't a problem, in fact it's
welcomed, but the problem is reading without
Liking or Commenting...