Facial

Akpos sat in a bar and was very
moody. OChuko goes over and asks;
‘Akpos, wetin happen?’. A very sad looking Akpos replied: ‘I
borrow Rukewe N2million to do facial
surgery, and now I no fit

RACK YOUR BRAINS!!!

On 28th feb 2012 (tuesday) a robber
went to rob
a bank, he threatened to kill the cashier
if he
didn't open the vault, the cashier told him the
vault is not opened with keys but a
password, you
can't kill me since i am the only one who
knows
the password and every day the password is
different The robber

QUIZ OF THE DAY

Type“ “YES“ If You Found
"FACEBOOK"!!
E - D - A - H - H - R - B- K - P
C - B - K - Y - N - A - O - P - Q
C - T - Y - L - T - O - X - Z - Q
V - B - Z - V - B - B - A - S - R
T - B - Z - E - R - R - O - O - G
B - K - C - R - Y - U - S - H - A
O - A - C - Z - R - T - Y - O - Z
F - E - T - U - B - S - J - D - K
.

Akpors: Examination

In an examination, Akpors was
asked to
complete the following
sentences:
.
1) WAEC : He who fights and run
away?
AKPORS : E don surrender be dat,
na fear catch am.
.
.
2) WAEC : A rolling stone?
AKPORS: No fit just dey roll, na
person push am.
.
.
3) WAEC : He who lives in a glass
house?
AKPORS : Na rich politician e go
be.
.
.
4) WAEC : A stitch in time?
AKPORS : Dey prevent further tear
tear.
.
.
5) WAEC : Birds of the same
feathers
AKPORS : Na de same mama born
dem..
.
.
6) WAEC : One gud turn?.
AKPORS : Na correct

JOKE OF THE DAY

1.       Nigerians don't ever rest. Even
after death, they still work as
ancestors, collecting kolanuts,
white fowl and aromatic
Schnapps.
2. In Hollywood, you feel people's pulse to know whether
they're dead or alive. In
Nollywood, just
pick the hand and drop it.
3. If You Marry A Girl That Can't
Cook, Bros Your Case Dey "MR BIGGS"
4. When next you check your
boyfriend's texts. Ignore his
chats
with girls, and check the ones
with guys. That's where the truth is
5. No matter how expensive
your Wrist watch is, as long as it

Menstruation Testimony!

Menstruation Testimony! During church
service, this 16-year old pastor's
daughter
stood up and says:"praise the Lord!"
everybody shouted with joy, "Hallelujah".
She continued: "since the age of 13, I've been experiencing painful monthly
periods.
But now, after a series of Bible studies
and
prayers with brother Jimmy in his house,
my monthly periods have stopped for more
than 3 months now. No more pain, no
more
menstruation. You can see I'm even
getting
fatter and prettier. We are starting to pray
seriously about the

Funny: World most Dangerous Snake

Just yesterday on Nat Geo Wild, it was
announced that a very dangerous snake
had just been discovered.
Scientists claim that the snake is an
enhanced specie of the reptile family.
According to Nat Geo Wild, the snake increases 0.5cm in length every time it
feeds and it feeds every 30seconds or
less.
This particular snake cannot be killed or
harmed by weapon except it bites itself.
Surprising huh? Scientists claim that's the only way it can be killed but
researches are still ongoing to discover
new ways this snake can be killed.
This is the mostpoisonous and deadliest
snake ever recorded in the history of
man. This snake can only be found in

FUNNY JOKES

Akpos bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book &
said, ‘My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610’
============
Akpos: I am Proud, coz my
son is in
Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he
studying.
Akpos: No, he is not
studying,

Akpors: American slang

After two weeks in Dubai, Akpors came back to Naija with an American slang/accent. He flew in late and while on his way home was stopped by men of the Nigerian Police Force.”Hey, where u dey go?”. “Wat de f*ck do u mean, Yo talking to me?” replied Akpors. This incited anger in the policemen. He was sent to the police station and put in a cell.
There in the cell, Akpors kept on ranting and shouting,”Yo bunch of shits, I gat the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a f*cking fone!!”

This went on until a BOSS(Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky voice,”Scorpion , abeg give this guy a phone call” Scorpion headed straight to Akpors corner and landed him a

Akpors: Invitation for Dinner

A girl invited her boyfriend
(Akpos) over for dinner in her
house so he could meet her
parents. While they were eating, it
started raining heavily, so the girls
mother said; “Akpos, i think you
should sleep over here because
the rain shows no sign of
stopping anytime soon” After
eating, the mom went to the
toilet and the father went to
sleep while the girl went to the
kitchen to clean the plates. When
the girl and her mother returned
to the sitting room, Akpos was
not there, they checked
all over the house and did not
find him. As they were wondering
what happened to him, he
walked back into the house,
really

Akpors: PUSHING CAR

One Rainy Night, Akpors was
walking down a Muddy
road, when a Slow moving car
came and stopped
near Him,
without Hesitation, akpors opened its
door and Sat on
the Co-Driver’s seat..
The Car started Moving Slowly,
looking at The Driver’s Seat, there
was No driver, Akpors became Soo
afraid..
Just as He was trying to recover
from the shock, A
hand pooped from Outside and
Started controlling
the steering wheel,.
Akpors Became Really afraid, And
Frozed on His
Seat,, he started

AKPORS THE PSHYCO’S DOCTOR

GIRL: I think I’m going mad. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this? (The psychiatrist kissed the girl)

GIRL: …… Yes!

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
(The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl’s top)

GIRL: Yes!

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.

AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
(The psychiatrist took

AKPORS AND INTERVIEWER

Akpos VS Interviewer!!!

Interviewer: There are 500
bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left?

Akpos: That’s easy, 499

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Akpos: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Akpos: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Akpors: I HAVE TRAVELED

Papa: Papa Emeka is coming to collect d money i owed him. When he comes, tell him i have traveled. U hear??
Akpors: yes Papa.
Papa Emeka entered: Akpors where is ur father??
Akpors: he has travelled.
Papa Emeka: when is he coming bak?
Akpors: wait, let me go and ask him?
(Akpors went inside, open d bak of d door and said):

Akpors WAEC Result

Akpos’ WAEC result is Finally Out. The following conversation ensued between he and his father:

Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out.
Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every term ? he failed. .
Papa Akpos: That’s terrible,what happened?

Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house? He failed too
Papa Akpos: what’s with the poor performance?
Akpos: Daddy I don’t know. That’s how it is.
Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition  failed.
Papa Akpos: so how was your own result?
Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too.
Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!!

Akpors update status

Akpos updated his facebook status, “Thank you lord, just got my salary”. He became sad

WIDOW

Akpos checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realising he sent the mail to a widow who had just returned from her husband’s funeral.

The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message she fainted.

The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the
computer screen which read:

AKPORS VS WARDEN

A warden caught Akpos leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish and the following conversation ensued:

Warden: Aha! I’ve caught you stealing fish red-handed!
Akpos: What do you mean by red-handed?

Warden: You’ve got a bucket full of fish right here, u can’t talk your way out of it this time.
Akpos: Oh, you don’t understand, I’ve not stolen a thing. These are my pet fish! I bring them to the reservoir once a week for exercise. After they’ve had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home.
Warden: Do you expect me to believe such a tale?
Akpos: I can prove it. 

Akpors Funny Jokes

AKPOS: My Memory is so bad!
FRIEND: How bad is it?
AKPOS: How bad is what?
………………………………………………………………………………
Akpos buys five pants of the same colour for his wife.
Wife: Ah, same colour? People will think I don’t change my

Deacon Akpors

A Preacher said: “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river”. And the congregation cried, “Amen!”
“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river”. And the congregation cried, “Amen!”
“And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river”. Again the congregation cried, “Amen!”
The preacher sat down.
Then Deacon Akpos stood up & said:

Akpors at Wedding Ceremony

On a wedding day, the pastor asked the usual question:
”Anyone who feels the couple should not be joined in holy matrimony should speak now or forever remain silent”
Akpors raised his hand from the back.
On seeing him, the bride fainted and when she was revived, the pastor asked Akpors why he raised his hand.
Akpors replied: ”I

Apors and Father

Akpors’ father accompanied him to his school end-of-year awards party.

As they sat watching amidst loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards.

The following conversation ensued:

Announcer: Best student in sciences, the winner is Inem.

The best Jokes of Akpors

A teacher lecturing on population said, “In the world, after every 10 seconds, a woman gives birth to a kid.”

 Akpors stood up and said, “we must find that woman and stop her!”

Akpors: Why are all these people running?

Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Pastor Akpors

Pastor Akpors was caught by his church members in a bar drinking a bottle of chilled Star Beer.

Member: Haabaa! Pastor Akpors, you should be drinking malt, Fanta or coke, not Star, that is a beer. You’re not doing what you preach.

Pastor Akpors: Shatttap jooo. Where was malt, Fanta and coke when STAR

Akpors and Mum

Akpors: I’m Hungary,

Mum: why don’t you Czech the fridge.

Akpors: ok I’m Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you’ll find some Turkey.

Akpors: Yeah but

Akpos woos a Girl

Akpos tried to woo a girl on the street:

Akpos: what is your name?

Girl: Abike

Akpos: I like you; I want to be your boyfriend.

Girl: No I don’t like you, you not responsible.

Akpos: Ask those pregnant girls around here, they say I’m responsible.

Akpors get work at Hotel

Akpos just got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Abuja.

The manager told him: “In here we give every customer personalised services and you have to be very observant so you know how to address their every need even before they ask.”

Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly approached them, nicely took their baggage and said: “Welcome Mr & Mrs James; it is our delight to have you in our hotel. Please come this way to the reception.”

… and he led them to the reception.

After the couple had been taken care of, Akpos asked the manager:

“Has the couple visited this hotel before?”

“No,” came the reply from the manager.

“So how come you knew their name?” asked Akpos.

“That is why I told you to be very observant. All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their baggage while I was taking it from them and see the name on the tag.”

“Oh, here comes another couple. Why don’t you give it a try?”

“Ok,” said Akpos and he hurriedly approached the couple, helped them with their luggage and said:

“Welcome Mr & Mrs SUPERIOR HAND MADE LEATHER! We are delighted to have you in our hotel…”

The manager fainted!

HOW TO KNEW A FAKE

I slapped a soldier today and he ran away.
That's how I knew he was fake.
Please let's join hands and expose the fake soldiers in town.

How?

By Slapping any Soldier you come across this week.
If he runs, then he is fake.
If he doesn't run, then the Lord is your strength and your salvation!  LOL!!

Akpors: The Bad Driver

Akpos, a driver who survived in a tragic accident which rendered 50 people dead at Lagos-Ibadan Express Way was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation.

Here is the Interrogation:
POLICE: Mr Akpos, how did you end up killing 50 people?
AKPOS: I was driving at 150km/hr when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed, so I had to make a choice; either hit the two men or run into the wedding party.
POLICE: Hit the two men of course to reduce Casualties!
AKPOS: Exactly, we think alike oooh! But after hitting one, the other man escaped into the wedding party.
POLICE: So, what did you do?
AKPOS: I went after him to balance the equation…But unfortunately, people lost their lives in the process.